Here is my non-highlight reel…
Yesterday and today SUCK! I have a sick dog, my house is a disaster, I have a headache, my husband and I were not all rainbows and unicorns, laundry is not getting done because my washer flooded, work has had some frustrating kinks, nothing has gone to plan, I don’t feel very positive, my anxiety has been high, and I did not feel like a rockstar therapist.
We juggle a lot and in the juggling we screw up. Plus life is not always about smiles and positive vibes. Life is about the mess. Don’t let the mess affect you! Your mess does not mean you are less valuable or worthy. It just means that you are human. When life gets hard practice self-compassion. Know it is OK to make mistakes and not be perfect. Know it is OK to be vulnerable and not have it all together.
We scroll social media and see people post the highlights. You see their successes and victories and feel inadequate. You feel like you need to get your shit together. You compare yourself to them.
I have seen a trend on social media of people claiming to treat Eating Disorders and accepting Healthy At Every Size and Body Positivity, yet they claim that in order to feel better you need to “suck it up” and do something to make you feel better.
You don’t need to work out to feel better. You don’t need to watch what you eat to feel better. You don’t need to change your thinking to feel better. You don’t need to change your attitude. You don’t need to prioritize and focus on your to-do list. No! You don’t have to do anything at all.
It is OK to do nothing. I see so many women in my office feel self-hate because they “can’t get it together”, “get over it”, or “focus” and do what is “right”. I see so many women feel ashamed because they feel anxious, overwhelmed, and depressed. They feel they are broken because they feel the way they do and they cannot get over it.
It is OK to be not OK. Your self-worth is not based on the amount of positive emotions and the number of things you check off your to-do list. You do not need to feel “accomplished” to feel better. One of the things I work with my clients is to accept their negative feelings. This is not about accepting hopelessness and never feeling better. It is the opposite.
Accepting our feelings means you give yourself permission to feel bad. You are compassionate with yourself for mistakes and not being able to “get over it”. You understand that it is OK to have moments where you feel bad and that you are entitled to feel that way. When we can better accept our emotions and let go of the need to “get it together” we can feel more in control of our emotions. You can stop trying to run from your emotions and you can embrace them. Once you embrace your emotions and give yourself permission to feel this way, then you feel better able to work through the emotion.
Today I am giving you permission to embrace your mess. So tell me what mess are you embracing today?